Hola Fäbloggers its that time again
Today our tasty treat was a labor of love.
This tale bears telling, so stoke your fires, sit in your lion foot chairs and pet your regal hounds. Open a nice brandy and put on your smoking jacket. I will wait, I know thats gonna take a while, I mean who can remember where they left their smoking jacket anyway ?
Right.
One day, my housemate M.Cruice entered the doorway with the maniac zeal that is his oeuvre and proudly displayed a beer brewing kit. It contained all the necessary tools and ingredients to create a delicious Hefeweizan or wheat beer for the uninformed. I looked upon it; and it was good. We followed the instructions to the letter, or y'know close enough, we are busy men. Soon we had a bubbling pot of what I had dubbed "Wimblebräu" on our stove, named after our house "Wimbledon".
We smelled of it; and it was good. A side note, I wanted to call our house "The Bro Hole" but got vetoed. THEY LAUGHED AT DAVINCI TOO. Anyways, our fatal mistake when we transferred the piping hot wort (unfermented beer) {pleb} into the glass Carboy (Glass jug in which fermentation takes place) {prole}, without cooling it in an ice bath first. The results were..... I won't say explosive, but fragmentary. But like true Brewmeisters we refused to be denied WE WOULD TRY AGAIN WITH ANOTHER KIT.
Step the first.
Teabag some fine-ass hops into some boiling water for 15 minutes. Turn the burner off during teabagging.
This is exactly as funny looking as it sounds.
Brewing beer smells like Bread it is nice.
After Teabagging bring the wort back up to boil.
Stir that ISH
Add in 1/2 your HOPS, then bring to boil for 30 minutes.
Add in rest of hops and, BAVARIAN WHEATS
Stir it UNTIL ZERE IS NO CLUMPING SCHNELL
1hr long boil. Reflect on your life, your choices. Maybe have a cup of tea.
After 1hr you are ready for ZE COOLER. Ze Cooler is our bathroom sink full of ice, we are high tech in this house.
Keep the hot wort in the icebath until cool THEN transfer to the carboy. We did it right this time because we are big boys who learn from our mistakes.
After putting the cooled Wort in the Carboy, you then place a rubber stopper in the top and put a hose into a half full glass of water to start the carbonation process. I literally have no idea how this works. You wanna know Hegelian Dialectics or an intimate history of Spider-Man, I am your guy but chemistry and I are not on speaking terms. IT KNOWS WHAT IT DID.
After 2 days you then place the carbonating carboy HOLY SHIT I JUST GOT WHY ITS CALLED A CARBOY. Because it CARBONATES the beer ! Wow, this education has been put to well good use. Thanks Mama and Papa !
Boxman knows no fear. SWEAR TO ME.
Right, so after you let it carbonate you hide it in a dark place for 2 weeks like an old secret, only occasionally checking on it to remind yourself of the futility of existence.
Our brewery sign with signage done by yours truly. Our brand identity is sassy, yet unsure, appealing to those born in the autumn months.
After 2 weeks, it is time for the transferrance of the beer into bottles. This was.... difficult.
First things first, consume 8 450ml bottles of Grolsch beer with the fancy caps and what not.
This is just gravy because Grolsch is tasty.
Unfortunately there are no pictures, it was sort of an all hands on deck situation. Lets just say, after failing to understand the concept behind the complicated siphoning method they prescribed, we merely pulled the good old fashioned mouth siphon, and got the beer in bottles with.... minimal spillage.
After this, the beer goes back into the shame closet for another 2 weeks to continue fermenting and plan its eventual escape. Unfortunately Herr Wimbleweizan zere is no escape.
Our first tasting. I am actually drinking some now.
And nobody went blind. Please excuse my language I was very excited.
ANd there we are Fäbrewers, the saga of our beer ends. But rest assured there is another batch forthcoming, a special graduation brau. I realize this one wasnt as funny as the others but you actually learned something ! Be grateful you divas GAWD.
This is your Brewmeister, signing off.
Get that TRASH OUTTA HERE.
