FINALS WEEK HOLIDAY COOKING WITH FABES BONANZA: LIKE YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO

Whats up all you amphetamine crazed brochachos and womyn I got a new holiday episode of cooking with Fabes for you ! How is it holiday themed ? Because I was wearing red when I was cooking and its december thus everything is holidays. Tonight we are making my old standby, cold thai peanut noodle salad.

We're making this for a potluck dinner party ugly sweater mishmash type deal, so we gotta make a lot. Start  with your basic ingredients for the sauce.

Generic brand soy sauce, sesame oil, rice wine vinegar and natural peanut butter.
By our powers combined we are...... a poop like mess.

DONT FUCKING JUDGE THIS SAUCE THIS IS GOOD SAUCE
Mix it up and stir it...down.

A dual study in the Art of Fabian

 drinking: don't let this happen to you too.

Teriyaki marinated chicken from the big WEGs

Slice THAT SHIT UP PUT IT IN THE SAUUUUUZE.

Aluminum foil fail. FUCK. DAMMIT.

IGNORE TOES.

 

Chicken nuggz. 

Well it turns out I didn't bring the fucking chicken to the party. SHIT.

Back to the Sauce. Which I made after the chicken. But its coming after here. So in a way its back to the future. 

 The finished product. 

ZOOM. ENHANCE.

Actually thats kind of a de-hancement if anything. WHATEVER FUCK YOU, WHO ARE YOU STEVEN BAY TARANTINO REINER ?

Beware of the Holiday Bruce-alope. He is a nocturnal hunter with a keen sense of smell.

File photo of Were-Bruce-alope-pire.
Thats all fuckers. Have fun pretending to study and gnashing your teeth.

THe end result of my labors. A fed crowd, and the approval I so desperately crave. This is your procrastinating Chef Du Jour, signing off.

-Fabes

Cooking with Fabes 3: On some new shit

Welcome back to another episode of Cookin with Fabes !

This time we have honored guest and fellow chef,  L.Nelson and we're gettin on some classy shit ! I promised I won't swear too much this time. IT PAINS ME but I am a man of honor. Fuck. This is gonna be hard. Crap. Cripes ? Cripes. Tonight we are making a Mediterranean feast of sorts, Lemon Pepper chicken with homemade Tzatiki sauce (my contributions) along with a fantastic Tabouli (tah-boo-lay for the philistines not ta-BOO-lee) and some collard greens and beans.
Lets do this shizz.

File photo of Guest chef and host L.Nelson

I started with some dang tazitaki sauce. I love that stuff so much so I was really just jacked the heck up to MAKE SOME MYSELF.
LETS GET GREEKS.

GREEK YOGURT. SOUR CREAM. VINEGAR, OLIVE OIL, GARLIC, FRESH DILL shits real !
DAMMIT. crap.

Chop up some garlic. Mince that stuff. Mince the ship out of it. Mix olive oil, garlic and vinegar in a bowl ! Use like 4 bowls throughout the whole meal.

L.NELLS MAKING SOME GREENS WATER. VEGETABLES ? ON THIS BLOG ? we were all shocked.

Stab the water. The water owed you some money. The water should learn not to bet long on horses anymore. The water knows NOW.

Tzatiki sauce comin together nicely.  DICE UP A CUCUMBER AND SLAP THAT SHIT IN THERE.

Nice composition bro. Scallions fo' days. One AND ONLY ONE lemon. Cooking in a real kitchen is so fucking awesome. DAMMIT. Cheese and rice this is hard.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEGETABLES. Artistry up in this ma.

NOW THAT IS SOME GOSH DAMP TABOULI. Just like mother makes.

Beans and greens ! Its good for you ! Its good for your soul.

 

 CHICKEN N' ZIKI. A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN. Or at least in Geneva.

I almost forgot ! Our cooking beverage is some classy shit as well, a semi-dry reisling local to the area. WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT BUYING LOCAL BOOZE ? *not ripping off epic meal time. not at all.

Slug it down ! For once your cooking drink is actually delicious and not maddeningly depressing. Not too sweet, notes of lake water and the absence of industry. A simmering cauldron of classism and disdain on the back palate. Tastes like grapes actually.

HOLY GODDAMN SHIT. Im sorry but I couldnt help myself. That is a classy table, well for a student cooked meal at least. We're on some Le Bernadin shit here. This is by far the best meal I have ever contributed to. Do the customary Cooking with Fabes victory jitterbug ! Try and find some more wine.

Thanks to Lisa for contributing !
Next time: Alligator and a tower of ciabatta

FUCKIN COOKING WITH FABES 2: FABES HARDER

And here we are again, another wonderful episode of epicurean delights cooked in our own HWS facilities. Tonight, we will be making some delicious lamb chops, marinated in a tasty tandoori sauce. For our side we have basmati rice with peas ! SOME NEXT LEVEL SHIT HERE BRING YOUR NOTEBOOKS AND HOLD ON TO YOUR FUCKING JAWS. THEY'LL BE DROPPING.

 
STEP THE FIRST
Marinate your lamb chops overnight. Let them soak up that flavor like a freshman soaks up natty ice. IGNORE MY TOES DAMMIT. You probly didnt even notice them until I mentioned it but FUCK IT WE'RE ON SOME NEW SHIT HERE.

Lets get cookin !

 

Chops on chops on chops on goddamn chops. I put some pepper and other herbs and shit on there cause you know what I was bored. I dont even care.

On the subject of NOT GIVIN A FUCK I will now consume some miller high life. The champagne of beers ! If champagne tasted like concentrated piss and remorse for a life misspent.

Our guinea pig dinner guest also does not care.

Pan sear those fucks for a tasty crust ! Listen to some David Bowie ! Bowie rules. Lamb rules.

That sauce just gets fuckin EVERYWHERE like GODDAMN. Wash your hands like 100x. Well, you were gonna do that anyway but now at least you have a reason. Yell profanities at your dinner guest until he acknowledges your manic hand washing.

Oven time! Have that pre-heated to 450. I should have mentioned that before. Oh well you aren't idiots you know to preheat the damn oven. IM SORRY! Worry about burning your hands. Worry about the SHITTING smoke detector.

FUCK YOU SMOKE DETECTOR YOU DON'T WIN THIS TIME.

COMBINE THESE THREE. YOU HAVE CREATED.... INDIAN PEA RICE ? +10XP -10 coolness

Let that cook. You know how to cook fucking rice I won't insult you. Make a shitton of it cause you have no idea how much rice is enough for two growing boys.

 

CHOPS ARE DONE, SON. PLATE THEM WITH RICE FOR A TASTY MEAL. GOOD PRESENTATION BRO.

ZOOM. ENHANCE.

Give to ungrateful dinner guest. Stare at him with the blind fury that only an amateur cooking ethnic food for the first time can summon. Wait for him to get uncomfortable. KEEP STARING CAUSE THATS JUST HOW YOU ARE DAMMIT.

Delicious ! Positive reviews under threat of death are still positive reviews. Do a little dance ! Not too fancy you know, just a little victory dance. Maybe a little jitterbug or something. This is a W for you.

BBBBBBBBONUS ROUND

NEXT LEVEL CHICKEN NACHOS LEFTOVER SEXSTRAVANGANNNNNZA

Bake some chicken you've been marinating along with the lamb a few days later.

Ignore the seasoning mix. IGNORE IT. ITS NOT EVEN THERE.

Chips. Run out of chips. Substitute cheez-its. Much like high-school lax substitutions are often the only time you get in the game. THIS IS YOUR MOMENT REDUCED FAT CHEEZ-ITS YOU GOTTA WANT IT.

 Cheese. 3 types. Chicken. Oven. in that order. 

STEAMPUNK=STEAMCRUNK COOKIN'

Awwww yeah.

Hope you enjoyed this I only SLAVED OVER A HOT STOVE SO DINNER WOULD BE READY WHEN YOU GOT HOME. OH I GUESS SPORTS CENTER IS ON. I'LL JUST GO FUCK MYSELF THEN.

Next time... pies ?