COOKING WITH FABES: TASTE THE GENIUS

Bonjour Fabloggers, I love you all. In this grinding election season, I know I am the only light in your life. I will strive to provide the joy you need to keep going in the form of "funny" food blogs. It's alright to cry.

 I mean if you want to chant my name in the streets I won't stop you, Like, if you NEED to sculpt a bust of me out of the purest obsidian with glittering rubies for eyes and GLORIOUS HAIR hewn from a solid rock of onyx, I cannot intervene.... and on that note BARGAIN FRENCH ONION SOUP.

 French Onion soup is maybe my favorite thing in the whole goddamn world. Now this isn't exactly the way that ol' Grandmere Margules makes it, this is a more...egalitarian version. I call it Steakhouse French onion soup, I made up the "recipe" as I went along. This is for les enfants de la patrie !

Listen to this while we prepare the soup. Look at the words, shit is wild.

Wegmans peppercorn marinated steak - reduced price: $5

Plus I got a new knife ! I shall call her Pinky. 

Grill up some of that steak. Cheap steak for this cheap skate makes me freak.

A stolen landshark is much better than normal. Pilfer a beer from your roommate FEEL THE RUSH OF CRIME! TASTE LARCENY. Larceny tastes like bud light that is pretending to be corona, which is bud light that is pretending to be Mexican.

Grill le steak.
Wait till the blood rises.
And waters the furrows of our fields.
At this point preheat your oven to 350º
Listen to 98º. No dont do that. That's not even relevant.

Some Like it rare. ME. I DO.

 I like my steak like women like me....rarely ! HEYO *swings golf club* 

Slice it up goooood. Use Pinky. 

This is the cheese we'll be using for our bread pieces. It's Yanceys Fancy Steakhouse Onion cheese. I was inspired to make this soup, because this cheese is like French Onion Soup in cheese form. So we're having French Onion squared.  Cost- $3.49

Cut some slices of sourdough bread and place cheese on them tenderly. Play Kiss from a Rose by Seal why you do it.

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BAAAAABY. Photo credit to Mme.Armstrong

Add the soup to a pan. This photo is blurry, not because I'm a shitty photog, but because its moving SO FAAAAAAAAAAAAST

 

Steak in the Pot. 

Stir it. Oh Pinky, is there anything you CAN'T do ?

Put your bread and cheese in the oven until you cannot avoid the smell of pure GODDAMN ECSTASY

Not the most traditional oven mitts, but they do the job. And yes the finger is cut off on purpose, it had practical applications for my important and CRITICAL job. Secret stuff, can't talk about it, very hush hush. 

Ohhhhhhh yeah. Le Fromage est fort mes amis. La fromage est belle !

Soup and croutons. This was delicious. and Cheap. Which is its own rewards.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHH

As always, your chef de cuisine, signing off.
-Fabes