Like many people in this world I find that my life, as I have grown and amassed life experience, has been a life of contradiction. Humans are complicated creatures, even the purest and noblest examples of humanity are flawed, it has been widely agreed on that the flaws are what make us human. So it stands to reason that every person has discovered contradictions in their own lives. But how often are these addressed ? Is it only in private moments, in the back of your mind when you realize these contradictions, and then quickly forgotten while your life goes on.
Acknowledging these contradictions is the very thing that propels one into becoming A Self-Actualized person, or more plainly one who has progressed beyond the natural human failings of self-deception. The self-actualized man is one who understands himself completely, has learned to accept his failings and successes, unbound by hubris or humility, seeks to better the world around him rather than merely advancing his own interests. The self-actualized person is how most children perceive the adults around them.
I think every person should strive to become self-actualized. I suppose in my own way this is how I view enlightenment, not as a religious construct, but as the epitome of humanity's need to understand itself. However, there is no light switch which one can flip in order to become self actualized, much like there is no magic moment when one turns 18 or graduates college( or gets a first real job, etc.) that turns one into an adult.
At the moment, I am not a self actualized man. But I am trying to be. In order to do this, I must acknowledge my own contradictions and challenge them. By not only understanding these mental and personal contradictions, but challenging them, I can advance myself into self-actualization. Enough rambling, lets see an example. I will be exploring these contradiction in different posts.
The First Contradictions
I try to be a good person, in as much that when presented with a moral choice, I will always TRY to make the "good" choice, that does not negatively effect others, often at my own expense. HOWEVER, I like most people, will do what I "have to" to get ahead. My own self-preservation can override my need to do the "right" thing, if the circumstances are right.
An example. once during math class I was finishing a test in the teacher's office, as I was allotted extra time to continue. The teacher handed me my test, but underneath it, was the answer-key to the test, unknowingly paper-clipped to the test. Now obviously the right thing to do would be to hand the teacher the key immediately and finish my test. HOWEVER, I am almost incapable of doing the simplest calculation correctly, I was going to FAIL this test. These were without a doubt some of the most morally stressful minutes of my life, I was sitting with the teachers back to me with the answer key to a test I was going to FAIL.
In the end, my need for self-preservation trumped my morals. I copied several of the answers before giving the test back to the teacher. I somehow convinced her not to make up a new test after this incident. I believe I received a D+ on the test. So as a self described person with a strong sense of morality, I was willing to CHEAT in order to save myself a failing grade.
I want to be a "GOOD" person, who will do the right thing when presented with the option. But for now I struggle with my own instinct for self-preservation.
This is long, I know, and maybe an unnecessary tract, but without introspection there can be no growth.
Your (not so)Humble Narrator
Fabes
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